Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
