yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
