i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
