I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize