I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
