Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
