Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
