I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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