Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
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