The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
