Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
