also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize