if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
