I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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