There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
