I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
