So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
