Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
