I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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