good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
