he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize