i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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