i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
