haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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