I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
