Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
