YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
