No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
