i just had sex bonerless
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
