You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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