Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
