I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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