R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
