11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
