I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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