We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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