"it" just moved
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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