Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
