i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
