dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize