I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i dont even know how to be here
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
