I'm gonna have a badass scar
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
