This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
