I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
