State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
