Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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