No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
