You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I am naked and annoyed.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
