Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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