it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
