At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
