I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
