So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
