Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
