doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
