i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
