I need to stop coming to work sober
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
