i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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