so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
