my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
