It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
