Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
