I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
