she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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