After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
