You just made me feel so damn special
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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