I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
