you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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