So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
