please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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