dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
