two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
