so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
