the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
