$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize