i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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