Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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