your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
