I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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