I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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