ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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