my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
