"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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