Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
