and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
