the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
