you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
