Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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