Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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