I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
