God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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