I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
