Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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