I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
