but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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