I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize