I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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