I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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